EMERGENCY PSA

DO NOT CLICK AWAY UNTIL YOU READ THE FOURTH SENTENCE OF THIS BLOGPOST

I know I have said in the past that I do not broadcast my political opinions but...

There is one important thing you should do, no matter what your political views are.

YOU. SHOULD. VOTE.

In case you can't be bothered to read the rest of the post:

Register here (You only need to do this once, you will be automatically enrolled for future elections)
Apply for a postal vote
Apply for a proxy vote
Check if you've already registered

The UK is having a General Election on 12 December 2019. It promises to be the most unpredictable (almost certainly the wrong word) election ever (my opinion, no sources).

If you are over 18 and a UK citizen (or an Irish, EU or Commonwealth citizen with a permanent UK address), you are entitled to vote, with a few exceptions:

• If you are in prison (does not apply to those imprisoned for non-criminal reasons or people awaiting trial)
• If you are guilty of election-based crimes (e.g. bribery, threats or impersonation). This applies even if you are not imprisoned, and only pertains to crimes within the last 5 years.
• Members of the House of Lords
• The Queen or her direct offspring (This is not technically illegal, although it is seen as unconstitutional)

Most interestingly:

• People over the age of 105 - They are allowed to vote, but NOT to register due to the application process.  The same applies to people who are aged 99+ who want to join FaceBook, although that is less important.

Some victims of domestic abuse may not find it possible to vote as voting applications cannot be anonymous so they may struggle to apply.

If you are homeless, you can still apply. Just use your most frequent address when applying. More info.

If you won't be able to vote in person of 12 December for some reason, e.g.

• You are on holiday
• You are bedridden
• You are away from your home constituency (where is your constituency?) on that day due to work

You can apply to vote by post (your voting slip will come in the mail several weeks early and you can cast your vote and send it back) or by proxy (you nominate someone else to vote on your behalf)

University Students! As you (in some cases) live away from home, you have two fixed addresses and can legally vote in either constituency! (IMPORTANT: You CANNOT vote in both; that is electoral fraud and it is illegal. You can, however, vote in both constituencies in local elections IF your home and uni address are in two different local authority areas.)

But why would you want to? 

• Maybe your home constituency is a very safe seat (has a very high opinion in that area of which party is the best, and always votes for that party) but your Uni constituency is more marginal (could go either way)

But what if you're at home when the election takes place? After all, it is halfway through December so a lot of Unis have broken up. Your best bet is to apply for a postal vote. You could apply for a proxy vote, but if you've broken up, chances are your friends/colleagues/classmates aren't there either.

Because you've voted postally, you are free to do whatever you like on the day, so why not use the opportunity to make some money? You can become a poll clerk, and man a polling station! Why should you do this?

• You have the chance to be a part of a General Election which will likely change the course of history in a major way (OK, that one was a bit corny but it does get way better)
• It looks great on your CV!
• You can improve your credit rating!
• If they like you, they might ask you to do it again!
• And best of all - you get to make money! Different areas may vary, but the standard rate is between £150-£350! (Warning: I cannot find 2 sources which agree on this, so this might be wrong, although the money is definitely worth it)

How to apply locally

There are 4 types of job you can do, and if you want to maximise your income, you can do more than one.

• Poll Clerk - You will have duties including checking people are eligible to vote, checking and marking electoral numbers, stamping and issuing ballot papers, and, crucially, making certain that votes are cast in secret and put into the ballot box. You will be given more instructions when relevant. and most people in your polling station will have done it before so will be able to help you if you get stuck.
• Presiding Officer - This means you are in charge of the polling station so you will have to solve any disputes and make sue the Poll Clerks are doing their job correctly. Presiding Officers have more duties so are paid more, but do need to attend courses prior to the election and need at least 3 elections' experience as a Poll Clerk.
• Runner - They have to transport the boxes from the polling stations to the counting centre.
• Count Assistant - You will be required to count the votes cast for a particular constituency. Depending on how close the result is, you may have to recount as well.

In all cases, the workers need to be over 18, on the Electoral Register and not openly supporting any particular party, right down to the colour of the clothes you wear. You can be a member of a political party, but you cannot be running for office or talk about your opinions while on duty.

WARNING: Below, there are some political opinions. These are hopefully the only political opinions ever shown on this blog. Not that it matters, but I am

• Not running for office
• Not a member of any political party

This is my new political party. We are not currently registered, nor do we intend to be. We are called 

The Voter Party

Our Manifesto:

• Everyone who is eligible to vote should do so, except in the cases outlined above.
• Anyone who doesn't vote is legally required to wear an ankle bracelet.
• Every time a braceleted person complains about the government or something the government has done, the bracelet should loudly shout: "WELL IT'S A SHAME YOU DIDN'T VOTE, OTHERWISE THAT MIGHT NOT BE A PROBLEM!"

Our extreme views and lack of any sensible policies would probably render us ineligible as a political party.

For a more comical yet surprisingly more sensible manifesto, watch this video by Mischief Theatre, creators of The Play That Goes Wrong, Peter Pan Goes Wrong, The Comedy About a Bank Robbery and Groan Ups. 

DISCLAIMER: I do not condone or condemn voting for or against the fictional independent candidate Dennis Tyde and in fact, I can't tell whether or not he is even running in this election as the video is from 2015.

In Summary:

Register here (You only need to do this once, you will be automatically enrolled for future elections, Needs to be done by midnight on November 26)
Apply for a postal vote (Needs to be done by 5pm on November 26)
Apply for a postal vote in Northern Ireland (Needs to be done by 5pm on November 21)
Apply for a proxy vote (Needs to be done by December 4)
Apply for a proxy vote in Northern Ireland (Needs to be done by 5pm on November 21)
Check if you've already registered

If you found this post amusing, please check out some of my other posts:

About Me and My Blog
Renew Speechless, one of the greatest sitcoms ever created
Join my Christmas Quiz

They're all non-political.