My Daddy says he still would... - Groan Ups review

CONTENT WARNING: I try to keep my reviews mostly child-friendly but in this case, there are a lot of sexual references and offensive language (although no actual swear words) throughout, especially when they're playing 6-year-olds. NOT suitable for under 12s, 12-15 parental advisory, 15+, you're old enough to do what you like (regarding this review, not in general).

UPDATE: An extract from Groan Ups will be shown on this year's Royal Variety Show, broadcast date TBC. For more info on Mischief Theatre's existing and upcoming TV and theatre projects, see the bottom of this review.

'Lite' review for people who don't like essays (no spoilers)

Obviously MAJOR SPOILER WARNINGS for Groan Ups

Brief for a normal theatre review: see the show, turn 100 ish words the next day for publishing in newspapers/online etc.

Brief for MY theatre reviews: Take as long as you like, write 1000+ words with frequent links to usually vaguely related sites, go off on lengthy nonsensical tangents, rant occasionally about something vaguely relevant, include varying levels of spoilers, get confused, publish on my blog, tweet about it, rinse, repeat.

Unfortunately, since I published my notes (why I publish my notes), I have found someone else that has written a review. I can still be the second though.

SEO: This stands for Search Engine Optimisation, and will hopefully bring me to the top of the results page on Google (I have no idea what that will show by the time you click on it, but at the time of writing there are only 4 results). One way of increasing SEO is by including popular relevant phrases, so:

Groan Ups

Groan Ups Review

Vaudeville Theatre Review

20 September
1 December

Mischief Theatre 2019

Mischief Theatre New Show 2019

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groan_Ups

Henry Lewis

Henry Shields

Jonathan Sayer

Nancy Zamit

Charlie Russell

Dave Hearn

Bryony Corrigan

ACCESSIBILITY RANT BELOW. IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED, SKIP.

Access: As you probably know if you've read my reviews before, I am a wheelchair user, so, unfortunately, the review has to include a mandatory rant about disabled access, sorry. It's a shame because the Duchess Theatre (home of The Play That Goes Wrong, hereafter shortened to TPTGW) is very accommodating of wheelchairs (full accessibility review). The Vaudeville Theatre, however, has entertainingly bad access. I would be annoyed if it wasn't for the creativity.

There is no lift at all, and this is probably because it is Grade II listed (I do my homework when writing these reviews!) Therefore, wheelchair users have to sit in the stalls, which is also down 6 steps, although while booking tickets for Magic Goes Wrong (Mischief Theatre's next show, also at The Vaudeville), a theatre worker implied that there was some sort of stair climber available, although this was not mentioned at any point before this (this was after the show). 

I would advise not going at all in a wheelchair unless you can walk down 6 steps and stand (with help if necessary) for at least 30 seconds. The staff are very helpful, and there are bannisters on both sides, so don't rule it out completely straight away. Alternatively, read my review for some insight about the show.

The most entertaining thing though is the accessible toilets. There aren't any. Therefore, they have a 'special arrangement' with the Adelphi Theatre next door (currently showing Waitress The Musical) where disabled patrons are allowed to use their accessible toilets (WARNING: This will result in 3 bag searches - One to get into the Vaudeville to make your presence known to the theatre staff; One to get into the Adelphi to use the toilet; and one to get back into the Vaudeville to see the show). 

Full marks for creativity on The Accessible Theatre That Goes Wrong.

Sorry, I don't mean to rant, the staff are actually very helpful and are held back mainly because of the aforementioned Grade II listing.

However, there are ways around this.

You may have noticed that we are now 626 words into the review and I haven't actually talked about the show yet.

SKIP!

Ambience: Probably the wrong word. The theatre opens 45 minutes before the show starts. The start of the show is set in 1994, so to set the scene, music from that period is playing during the run-up to the show. On stage is a podium in front of a curtain and a sign that reads Bloomsfield School (remember that; it'll be important later).

Part I

Assembly: The show opens with Dave Hearn and Bryony Corrigan (both Mischief Theatre alums) as school teachers (Mr White and Mrs Murray), introducing an assembly, and at various times accusing the audience of inappropriate behaviour (STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF!) This point is driven home by spotlights appearing where they are pointing (avoid sitting in the circle and the centre of the stalls!)

Hearn also shouts at the audience when they start clapping, because that led to an incident in the past (unfortunately I can't remember what, but it made sense and was very funny at the time).

Hearn and Corrigan introduce the Yellow Group then leave, taking the podium with them. We then meet the main cast, played by Jonathan Sayer (Simon) Henry Shields (Archie), Henry Lewis (Spencer), Charlie Russell (Katie, Kate in Act 2) and Nancy Zamit (Moon). All links go to their Twitter pages (Nancy not on Twitter). 

The Yellow Group are supposedly from Year 2 (3rd Grade for Americans), meaning that the group are 6-year-olds. This makes it a very interesting creative choice for Henry Lewis to have a full beard (something which is not present in the promotional material for the play).

Yellow Group have put together a piece for the assembly called My Weekend. All of them talk about what they did at the weekend, and their stories range from Spencer's potty humour (child-friendly)  to Archie's (Update: this was KATIE'S story. No idea where the confusion came from) story about enthusiastic cleaning (definitely NOT child-friendly). Katie's frequent comments about the other kids' mothers also provide some adult humour.

UPDATE: The My Weekend skit was also performed at the Royal Variety Show 2019. You can watch it here.

Because they are adults pretending to be 6, the set decorators have been very creative by scaling up everything. While Archie is telling his cleaning story, Moon and Simon mime the action using a mop and bucket which is twice the size of them, and other props are similarly oversized as well. This becomes even more apparent when the assembly ends and the children go into the classroom, with its oversized desks, chairs (I don't know this actor's height for scale, but I estimate ~5'9" ish) and even tubes of Smarties!

SIDE NOTE: I only just realised that this is an anachronism. Smarties tubes did exist in 1994, but they were cylindrical. The footlong props used in Groan Ups are hexagonal, something which wasn't actually introduced until 2005. Unfortunately, today's children will never know the simple joy of putting an empty Smarties tube on the edge of a table, then hitting it and watching the lid fly across the room.

Of course, I could be wrong about which props they used; I know that they changed shape in 2005 because I checked (read the comments to discover what people really thought about change even back then. Ron Johnson's comment is especially entertaining).

Possibly the most impressive upscaled props are the doors. They are designed as fully operational doors, but they are twice the size of the actors to indicate scale (for scale, the actress in this picture is 5'4"). Throughout the first part of the play, the actors sometimes leave the stage and all have to reach up to the (fully functional!) door handles to open the door.

Democracy: Miss Murray leaves the classroom (to help to sell the illusion, when the 6-year-olds are on stage, she is heard as a voiceover but never actually seen) to talk to the headmaster about Spencer's (I think; I could be wrong) behaviour.

Later, Katie tries to retrieve her, but

"She says she's coming as soon as she's finished her wine..."

In her absence, the kids decide to elect a leader, leading Archie to say the first hilarious malapropism:

It's called a vote! You have one because of the Suffering Jets!

I flopped him: Yet another running joke in the play is the hamsters, which have two hilarious qualities:

1. They have ridiculous pop-culture based pun names.
2. Spencer keeps killing them

The first hamster that Spencer kills (by falling on top of him) is called Vincent van Fluff because Spencer bit his ear off on a previous occasion. Unsurprisingly, Spencer does the logical thing and hides the corpse in his secret hidey-hole, then blames Simon. This leads everyone in the class to set up a trial for Simon. Archie:

You can be the defence and I'll be the prostitution!

(Do you see why I had to not include that word in my notes?)

Long story short, they end up sentencing Simon to death. Fortunately, they never follow through on this.

He's still on adding up: At one point Katie proposes to Archie (remember when we could just do that? Good times...)

Archie asks why she hasn't proposed to Spencer instead, and oddly enough she doesn't cite the flopping of hamsters as a reason. Instead, she cites his intelligence. She still likes him as a friend, but

We're on times tables and he's still on adding up!

Remember when that was the height of our problems?  Good times...

Later (or possibly before; my memory remembers lots of things but not necessarily in the right order) when referring to her academic achievements, Katie says that she can only marry people with ten gold stars like her. This is a problem for Spencer, who has

"Three black crosses and five Angry Lobsters."

Sorry, but Gold Stars and Angry Lobsters just don't mix.

Part II

The curtains close at the end of this part of the show. This is actually to cover up the fact that all the actors have to get changed into 14-year-olds, and the set has to be shrunk, an effect which is of course achieved by winding a handle of decreasing size.

Jokes, we couldn't actually figure out how they did it until right at the end. I'll explain that when we get there.

This could be achieved by having a blackout or closing the curtains and the audience awkwardly sitting in silence until something happened. Mischief Theatre's genius way around avoiding this awkwardness is by having another lecture from Mr White and Miss Murray who are chaperoning a school disco, so have to lay out some rules.

1. No kissing
2. No touching
3. Have fun!

I feel like Rule 2 makes Rule 1 redundant, but I think that's part of the joke. Mr White and Miss Murray helpfully provide a visual aid of what NOT to do, with hilarious unintended consequences.

They also don't mention it outright, but they apparently got married in between the two parts (I don't want to say acts because this is actually still part of the first act). No one actually mentions this directly, but one of the characters mentions "Mr Murray-White". This is also mentioned offhand in Act 2/Part 3.

Window: For some reason, during this section of the play, the first time everyone enters and the last time everyone leaves, they use the window instead of the door. This is presumably due to the fact that they have snuck out of the disco to drink alcohol (something else which Mr Murray-White clearly explained the rules on).

Dated references: When you see an old movie, tv-show or play set in a particular time period, when you watch them later, there may be references to pop culture songs, movies or celebrities that haven't aged well.

For example, there is an episode of Friends in which it is mentioned that Ross' favourite band is Hootie and the Blowfish. This was in Season 2, released 1995, so the Blowfish were quite popular at the time.

Friends turned 25 last week and is still very popular, but lots of fans only got into Friends after the show had finished airing in 2004. A lot of the modern fans weren't even alive when that particular episode was released and so have no idea who Hootie and the Blowfish are.

The first 2 parts of Groan Ups are set in 1994 and 2001 respectively, so it makes sense for them to make references to the pop culture of the period. However, the show was written in 2018/2019, so the writers/cast (in Mischief Theatre, writing is a collaborative process, and even though the show was initially written by Jonathan Sayer and the 2 Henrys, during rehearsals, the other cast members are encouraged to add or remove jokes to make the show the best it can be) had the opportunity to add in references that were either deliberately dated, or deliberately dated well.

They referenced MSN (something often referenced in post-dated references (new term, (c) View From Lower Down, 2019)), but it's surprising that Blockbuster and MySpace (The other 2 most common post-dated references) weren't mentioned. If they were, full apologies to Mischief Theatre; I just have a poor memory.

The show also has a very limited run (Closes 1 December, Book Now!) so there's very little chance of the references ageing any more than they already have. I don't know if they will extend the run at some point, but I wouldn't risk it.

Perhaps the most obvious reference (and more importantly, the only one I can remember) is the name of the hamster. This one is called Rodent Keating, a reference to the fact that at the time Ronan Keating was one of the biggest pop stars in the world at the time, but also has a name that fits in well with a hamster-based pun.

Speaking of pop stars, Spencer and Archie are in a band. I won't spoil the name of the band, but suffice to say it's hilarious and ties into a joke I already wrote about above. If you've already seen it, it was in my notes, but don't bother looking now because I've removed it.

It also transpires that Spencer has been missing some band rehearsals in order to attend some extra tuition lessons.

At one point Spencer gets dared to photocopy his bum and print it off on an A3 sheet of paper. In itself, this isn't very funny, but it is an important plot point and ties heavily into the rest of the show.

Shall we get married?: Simon suggests a 'marriage pact' to Moon. She agrees, but only once they're much older.

S: Like when we're 20?
M: That's too soon. How about when we're REALLY old, like 30?
S: OK.

This is a joke that everyone laughs at because the idea of 14-year-olds thinking 30 is old is hilarious. What most people don't realise, though, is that the joke is actually even more meta than that, because all 7 of the main cast actually turned 30 last year in real life.

Slam: At one point Archie storms out. At least, he storms out as much as one can is a school classroom. As anyone who's ever tried to slam a door in a school classroom will know, it's very difficult to do that and be taken seriously due to the soft close systems on the doors.

Exam: When he comes back from the photocopier (having only printed onto A4 because the printer ran out of ink), Spencer accidentally reveals to Katie that he stole the answers to the end of year exam, along with his own paper.

She berates him and says that he should pass on his own merit, especially after all the extra work he has put in.

SIDE NOTE: I should point out at this point that Katie is still a model student and is, like most Grade A GCSE students, obsessed that her GCSE results will affect the entirety of the rest of her life. SPOILER ALERT FOR THE REAL WORLD: They won't. My CV currently just says 10 GCSEs (grades not included) and in my last job interview, they didn't even mention it once.

The other students return and all argue some more about this. The 2nd part/1st act ends with Archie hiding Spencer's real exam and furiously writing out another one.

We then had the fun about the disabled toilets again (see above). Fortunately, the two plays are slightly out of sync so Groan Ups' Interval starts slightly before Waitress' interval, meaning the avoidance of queues.

Part III/Act II

In Part III, the characters are 30 (their actual age), so the opposite of Part I happens, and all the props are downscaled instead, with the chairs now only being 1 1/2 feet high, which is the subject of another joke later on.

There is no introduction from the Murray-Whites for this part, so the curtain opens on an empty set., now complete with every millennial's favourite accessory, the Interactive Whiteboard (remember how we all had that one teacher who tried to write on it despite the clear warnings? And for some reason it was ALWAYS the maths teacher...) Spencer enters, tries to sit on a chair, fails for obvious reasons, so instead sits on the teacher's desk, setting off the whiteboard.

Whiteboard: THE MATING CYCLE OF THE SALMON IS-

Spencer turns it off and soon, Archie enters, followed by Paul (Dave Hearn in a dual role), who overenthusiastically greets them, then leaves.

A: Who WAS that guy?
S: No idea.

Gradually the others filter in.

I'll quickly go through their jobs because some of them are important.

Spencer: Works in a pet shop (despite the Van Fluff incident, but actually it'll be important later), and also on the side is still in the band [Redacted].

Archie: So do you still play the (mimes a trombone)?
Spencer: Keyboard, yes.

It is also mentioned that he had to repeat a year (that's important; it'll come up later)

Kate: Works for the Civil service (Exact role never actually mentioned, so presumably a spy).

Archie: Works as a high-class lawyer. Also married to Kate with one daughter.

Simon: 'Highly successful' in the cake industry (Includes hilarious joke redacted here) and has a French model girlfriend Chemise (Bryony Corrigan in a dual role), who, like most French models who met their S.O. in Rome, Paris, has a thick Geordie accent.

Kate: Wait, so how are you French?
Chemise: Well, I suppose, in name only.

Moon: Married to Mark (who we never see). The two of them are opening a restaurant which is very low on resources.

Kate: So you haven't got a chef?
M: No...
K: Or any staff?
M: No...
K: Or a premises?
M: Well, no.

[Exact dialogue removed because I can't remember it and the original is much funnier]

Blackout: Spencer and Kate decide to play a  drinking game.

S: OK, so you take a drink every time someone tells a lie.
K: I don't want to blackout tonight.

SPOILER ALERT: She doesn't, but they do drink A LOT.

Simon: I'm very successful in the world of business!
DRINK!
Moon: I do own a restaurant!
DRINK!
Simon: She's not called Shirt!
DRINK!
Spencer: I haven't killed a hamster!
DRINK!
Simon: I own a Bentley!
DRINK!

All the other ones that I can are actually pretty depressing, at least out of context. They seemed funny at the time though, so presumably, it's just the filter of time that's made it depressing. There is one moment where someone says something, and they both take a long, slow drink, which causes uproarious laughter from the audience. Unfortunately, I can't remember what it was, but if you want to find out more, go see the show yourself! I promise you won't regret it.

The speech: Chemise is transparently a hired actress employed to play Simon's girlfriend (the job was advertised as 'very immersive theatre'), and he got her to learn a speech about how brilliant he is, which she then proceeds to trot out during every awkward silence.

When Simon realises he's been rumbled, he writes and rehearses another speech about them having to break up. Unfortunately, she is slightly slow to learn it, and the first time they rehearse it, Archie happens to be watching them.

Chemise struggles with the same part every time she performs this second speech and has to be prompted at a particular line, which unfortunately I can't remember. The first two times (watched by Archie and Kate respectively), Simon has to give her the cue.

Later, Archie and Kate are chatting and it transpires that both of them saw the breakup on two separate occasions. Not 5 minutes later, Simon and Chemise come in and perform the breakup act again, this time for Moon's benefit, but Archie and Kate are both watching.

This time, when Chemise forgets her line, Simon is too slow off the mark, so Archie cues her up. We were on the other side of the theatre, so I thought it was an audience member, and I'm not sure which would be funnier, but either way, it drew a huge laugh from the audience.

Hamye West: Another Pop Culture reference, this time from modern times. As you may have guessed, it's the name of another hamster.

At one point Kate and Spencer are alone together, and they talk about 'what might have been' if she had married Spencer instead of Archie. Spencer mentions how their children would have been very weird. WARNING: TOILET HUMOUR

Not here, I don't want to spoil the joke. Also, it doesn't make sense unless you know a joke from the 'My Weekend' segment at the start of the play which I also left out deliberately.

Spencer also says how Kate could have ended up as the roadie for [Redacted] and she says no, she would definitely have been the manager.

This talk quickly escalates and they end up kissing on the teacher's desk

Whiteboard: THE MALE IS AROUSED-

They switch the whiteboard off, then move over to the table, where they knock over the hamster cage. Hamye escapes, and they try to catch him, and not for the first time, Spencer flops him. They quickly divide responsibilities with Kate having to hide the body while Spencer gets a replacement from the pet shop where he works.

What follows is an entire act full of physical humour involving tissues, multiple hamsters (no, not just 2) and an elaborate series of lies.

When Kate is hiding Hamye, Spencer suggests using his hidey-hole, where she discovers Spencer's exam that he supposedly failed.

SIDE NOTE: This is another clever effect, and I have no idea how they pulled it off, but when Kate retrieves the exam, it is dusty (due to supposedly being left alone for 16 years). In real-time though, it has only been left alone for just under an hour by this point. My bedroom can get dusty that fast (TMI, sorry), but I'm guessing that the prop can't get dusty that fast, at least not reliably, so I have no idea how this is achieved.

It finally comes out that Archie wrote the fake exam, sabotaging Spencer and forcing him to repeat the year, and Spencer chases him around the room. Archie knocks over a chair to keep him away, and Spencer stops, then steps over it (this is hilarious when acted out, but unfortunately is quite boring when written down).

At this point, Kate says

"I'm going to find a teacher!"

Later, she comes back:

"She says she's coming as soon as she's finished her wine..."

After this, the play is quite serious as it is revealed why Archie did what he did. I'm not going to spoil that for you though, but I will tell you a couple of the other standout moments

Walrus Paulrus: Paul repeatedly pops up throughout the second act, nearly begging people to remember him, with two particular highlights, first when he is alone with Kate

P: Oh come on! How can you not remember me? I used to do characters! Oh! You must remember Walrus Paulrus! (He snaps a breadstick in half, sticks them in his mouth, and crawls around on the floor like a seal)
K: That, is truly... Unforgettable.
P: Thank you!

Paul appears several times as Walrus Paulrus, on at least one occasion crawling in one door barking, then crawling straight out the other door.

Secondly, when everyone is there:

P: OH COME ON! HOW does no one remember me?! I was the King of Bloomsbury School!

Summary

And that was Groan Ups! It was a great show, and, like their other performances, a technical triumph. Mischief Theatre brings its signature brand of slapstick and clever humour into a brand new show. It's only got a limited run, but I hope it comes back. I'm going to recommend it to everyone I know, and if it gets a longer run or a tour, I'll definitely consider seeing it again.

Obviously, I couldn't include every joke in the review, because that would spoil it, plus it would be at least 10 times longer, and most of you haven't even read all the way to this bit. However, there are 2 jokes which I have hidden in the review that you will figure out if you read it carefully.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

As anyone who's ever attended a Mischief Theatre show will know, their shows always end with the cast breaking the 4th wall and saying something along the lines of

Thanks for coming, we are Mischief Theatre! Thank you for being a great audience, please visit our other shows... [more details below]

On this occasion, Jonathan Sayer (Simon) was in charge of this, and when he said

Thank you for being a great audience!

Someone replied

Thank you!

Jonathan, ever improvising (all the cast have backgrounds in improv and that's how they met), said

Well, we haven't been in the audience, but you're welcome anyway!

Then, as an afterthought:

Thanks, Mum!

The cast then put on outfits as part of Spencer's band, and sing a final song, in the style of School of Rock. This is when we learned how the shrinking sets worked, with the back wall being lifted to reveal Dave Hearn in by far the best costume of the show (even topping Walrus Paulrus!)

You'd probably forgotten about the magically shrinking set (after all, it's probably been several days since you started reading the review), but that's how - There are multiple sets that are raised and lowered according to requirements. Bit of an anticlimax, but what can you do?

I knew about the fantastic writing and acting talent involved, but what I hadn't realised is that they're all talented musicians as well!


Other Mischief Theatre Productions

Groan Ups is in the Vaudeville Theatre until 1 December. Book here
Magic Goes Wrong (Co-written with Penn and Teller) opens in the Vaudeville Theatre from 14 December onwards. Book here
The award-winning The Play That Goes Wrong, now in its 5th year at the Duchess Theatre. Book here
The award-winning The Comedy About A Bank Robbery, still in The Criterion Theatre. Book here
Peter Pan Goes Wrong, going on tour from 19 October onwards. Book here

On Television

Coming soon:

The Goes Wrong show - release date unannounced as at 4/10/19.
The Play That Goes Wrong Televised - should be on ITV, but release date unannounced as at 24/10/19 and only rumoured anyway based on something I saw in the programme for Groan Ups. nothing that I can find online as at 24/10/19.
The Royal Variety Show 2019 - Extract from Groan Ups (recorded 18 November at London Palladium, broadcast December date TBA.

Repeated (WARNING: ZERO REFERENCES FOR THIS. POSSIBLE AT BEST):

 A shortened version of Peter Pan Goes Wrong
 A Christmas Carol goes Wrong

Both on the BBC, both possibly repeated over Christmas and/or put on BBC iPlayer.

There are two references in the show to a character committing suicide. This is humorous in the context in which it is used, but suicide is a serious issue.

If you or anyone you know has suicidal thoughts, please contact:
(UK)
116 123 (line is free to call)
or email: jo@samaritans.org
(USA)
1-800-273-8255
Or online chat

For other countries, here is a list of the numbers which can help.