Some folks dream of the wonders they'll do... Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Review
I've been wanting to do this one for a while.
SPOILERS AHEAD FOR JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT AND GENESIS 30-46
First of all, I've got some beef with the title. Why technicolor? Quite apart from making it the longest title of a musical ever (don't Google it to see if I'm wrong. The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat, as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum at Charenton, Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade (25 words, 129 characters) doesn't count because it's a play, not a musical)
And now I've had to overflow into another paragraph. I blame Peter Weiss. Technicolor is a method of filmmaking that has existed since 1916 (history lesson), but the musical was first released on stage in 1973, meaning film processes were not involved. If you're thinking "But what about the movie with Donny Osmond?". that movie was released in 1999 when technicolor was near obsolete, plus the show had already had that name for 26 years by that point.
Review! Let's get started!
In the first song (except the Prologue (just for fun, look closer at the kid at 1:37 and ask yourself, why is he half the age of the other kids), which is vastly underrated in my opinion, and Any Dream Will Do, which IMO is vastly overrated, and in case no one's noticed, does not impact the plot AT ALL), Jacob and Sons, it is mentioned that
Jacob, Jacob and sons, men of the soil, of the sheaf and crook
At this point, 3 sheep appear behind the rest of the cast. First of all, why? We believe you, no need to prove it! Secondly, what do I mean by 'appear'? What I mean is that the sheep are inflatable and inflate on cue. Everyone in the audience laughs at this because it's such a non-sequitur. Do we need comic relief this early? In fact, do we need comic relief at all? The vast majority of the show is cheerful, upbeat and brightly coloured. Only 2 songs are miserable and the second is played for laughs! More about that later.
I'm going to rewind a bit because the majority of my review focuses on the show in general, but certain areas, highlighted in my notes in italics, are specific to this particular production. This is one of those. During the prologue, the Narrator and 2 kids come onto the stage wearing dressing gowns, and she introduces the story. After this, they all shed their dressing gowns, she continues to narrate, and the kids take and dispose of their dressing gowns, then join the rest of the choir.
My issue is with the choir. It is a very simple set, with just two sets of stairs and a walkway at the back comprising the entire set (there's also another set of stairs which comes out to fill the stage, but that's only during the second half). Here's a picture of the stage as normal (click the 3rd picture). The second set of stairs can be seen in blue at the back of the stage.
The choir are made to sit on the stairs through the whole performance. If you were wondering, that's ~50min (1st half) and ~45min (2nd half). Admittedly, they're kids, so their legs are shorter, but nevertheless sitting still for that long in that awkward position can be painful and even dangerous, just saying.
LIGHTNING ROUND!
The review will now have a brief intermission while I tell you some of the things wrong with the story, using biblical references. In my About Me post, I clearly stated that I'm a Christian, so you should have seen this coming.
Song: Jacob and Sons
1.
Way way back many centuries ago
Not long after the Bible began
OK, this one's a bit tenuous and I don't have a reference except for about half of Genesis. Depending on who you ask, this could take place any time from 3000-2000 BC ish. The Bible wasn't written until several centuries later, probably by Moses. It would be more accurate to say
Way way back many millennia ago
Do what you will with that.
2.
NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY. SKIP TO 3 IF YOU ARE UNDER 16
Jacob lived in the land of Canaan
A fine example of a family man
Really? Fine example? Yes, he had 12 sons, but that's only downwards. He had a total of 4 wives, Bilhah, Zilpah, Leah and Rachel. It's also interesting to note that he didn't start having children until he was 84.
Leah was his first wife, mother of Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar and Zebulon (there was also a daughter named Dinah, but she doesn't show up much and doesn't appear in the musical at all. To read her story, go to Gen 34).
Bilhah was Jacob's concubine, not wife. Rachel was assumed to be barren, so she gave her handmaiden Bilhah to Jacob to be the mother of Dan and Naphtali.
Zilpah was Leah's handmaid and also Jacob's concubine. She bore him Gad and Asher.
Rachel was Jacob's final wife to bear him children (God granted her the ability to bear children much later, Gen 30:22), and she bore him Joseph and Benjamin.
13 kids by 4 'wives', and Jacob is a
Fine example of a family man?
OK, so that's how it works. At this point, I'll also mention how Rachel and Leah were Jacob's FIRST cousins!
You can read the full story of Jacob and his many spice (yes, that's the correct word) in Gen 29-30. Yes, some of the Old Testament reads like Game of Thrones.
A remarkable family in anyone's book?
Now THAT I'll give you.
3.
So. Technically this is (mostly) correct. Reuben WAS the eldest, then Simeon, then Levi. But beyond that, it just turns into a mess. I'm going to show you the same lyrics, but with the names replaced by their birth order:
To put it more clearly, the order they are announced in is:
1, 2, 3, 6, 9, 8, 5, 10, 7, 12, 4, 11
If you're interested, if it was done correctly, it would look like this:
Reuben was the eldest of the children of Israel
With Simeon and Levi the next in line
Judah and Dan with Naphtali and Gad
Asher and Issachar took the total to nine
The eagle-eyed among you might have noticed that there are only eleven names in my version. This is deliberate, and just for fun, I'm going to let you have a closer look to work out who's missing. There's also a clue hidden in the above text.
Did you get it? It was Benjamin (the hidden clue was that he was the twelfth brother so wouldn't have been included in the song until after Joseph, so he wouldn't have been included at all). There is also some debate as to whether or not Benjamin was even born at this point.
Song: Joseph's Coat (Debatably the same song, but I'm writing the review so I'll say what I like)
1.
This entire song is based on only 2 Bible verses (Gen 37:3-4).
So here's the thing. Joseph, like the rest of his family. was a farmer. Farmers have no use for 'coats of many colors'. The actual coat would likely be attractive, but also practical, meaning that 'his sheepskin days' were almost certainly not gone, and may have only just been beginning. To put it another way:
It would not have been red
It would not have been yellow
It would not have been green
It would probably have been a shade of brown
It would not have been scarlet
It would not have been black
It might have been slightly ochre
It would not have been peach
It would not have been ruby
It would not have been olive
It would not have been violet
It might have been slightly fawn
It would not have been lilac
It would not have been gold
It might have been slightly chocolate (is that a colour? Judges rule... No.)
It would not have been mauve
It would not have been cream
It would not have been crimson
It would not have been silver
It would not have been rose
It might have been slightly azure
It would not have been lemon (is that a colour? Judges rule... Yes. But only just.)
It might have been slightly russet
It might have been slightly grey
It would not have been purple
It would not have been white
It would not have been pink
It would not have been orange
It would not have been blue
I know it's only written down so I can't prove anything, but take my word for it that that was done from memory.
I have problems with some of those colours as well, namely:
Rose
Rose is a ridiculous name for a colour. If I say the word rose, you'll probably think of this. But not all roses are red.
Some roses are red
That much is true
But violets are PURPLE
Not flipping blue!
Red/Scarlet/Ruby/Crimson/(Rose)
All of these colours describe the colour red. Why do we need 4 1/2 kinds of red? There's also pink, which was recently pointed out to me is only light red. if that seems obvious to you, ask yourself: If red and pink are different colours, why aren't light blue and dark blue?
Violet/Lilac/Mauve/Purple
See above, but this time 4 different shades of purple.
Brown/Ochre/Chocolate/Russet
This time there's another 4 of the same colour, and more importantly, they're types of BROWN. Here's a picture of a colour wheel. You may notice how there is no brown on it. On the other hand, you might notice the part near the top right which looks kind of brown. You are almost correct, it does look a bit like light brown, but it is, in fact, a form of dark orange. Therefore, it sort of covers 'brown' and 'ochre', but not a chance with 'chocolate' or 'russet'.
Why am I bringing this up? Just because it's not on the colour wheel, doesn't mean it's not a colour, surely? Once again, you are only mostly right. It still counts as a colour, but one of the things that most productions of JATATD attempt is flashing lights in the relevant colour.
This is fine most of the time (see below for full explanation), but when trying to imitate any of the browns, it's not possible to get it right. When I saw another production, they went the way I just mentioned and just showed a dark orange at the appropriate times. This is all well and good, but can mean it gets confused with peach/olive/fawn/azure/orange.
The other problematic colours are black, which by definition cannot be imitated using light, and grey, which is 'dark white' or 'light black'. Grey is easier to manage though, and if I was doing it I would simulate black by turning the lights off. This production took a bizarre leap of logic though and instead of shades of orange, decided to use BLUE (when simulating the 4 different browns AND black). If you understand the logic behind this, please let me know.
WARNING: LENGTHY TANGENT AHEAD ON HOW COLOUR CHANGING LEDS WORK. IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN THIS, SKIP TO WHERE IT SAYS BACK TO THE REVIEW
As promised, I will now explain how colour changing lights work. To explain, you will need to first watch this video. To clarify, yes, colour changing lights only work on productions of JATATD and pineapples.
We'll start with the pineapple because it's simpler. When I was younger, I had a colour changing egg (as I clarified earlier, these no longer exist as it's now only JATATD productions and pineapples that contain colour changing lights). It worked for a while, but then the silicon part came off and I could see the workings.
Inside were 3 LEDs, one red, one green and one blue. Each of the brightened and dimmed in turn (red would start to brighten, then at full brightness blue would start to brighten, when red is off and blue is at full brightness, green starts to brighten. then when blue is off and green is at full brightness, red starts to brighten again. Repeat ad nauseum).
Modern pineapples don't use 3 LEDs, but they still work in a very similar way. Pineapples use a single LED with 3 anodes (the positive side), each corresponding to the RGB lights, meaning a single LED can show all 3 colours.
The pineapple will work using one of these, cycling like the egg. The stage lights use a similar function, except they will use several hundred LEDs per light
BACK TO THE REVIEW
Still on the lightning round, believe it or not.
2.
And his father couldn't see the danger
He could not imagine any danger
This one is just wrong. Although the Bible leaves some things a bit open-ended (he made an ornate robe for him, Gen 37:2), it is quite clear about this particular issue. Jacob, like the brothers, COULD see the danger and was in fact offended by his son's comments:
When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, "What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?" (Gen 37:10)
Both the above Bible quotes were taken from the NIV translation.
3.
The dreams are more than crystal clear,
The writing's on the wall
SPOILERS AHEAD FOR JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT AND GENESIS 30-46
First of all, I've got some beef with the title. Why technicolor? Quite apart from making it the longest title of a musical ever (don't Google it to see if I'm wrong. The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat, as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum at Charenton, Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade (25 words, 129 characters) doesn't count because it's a play, not a musical)
And now I've had to overflow into another paragraph. I blame Peter Weiss. Technicolor is a method of filmmaking that has existed since 1916 (history lesson), but the musical was first released on stage in 1973, meaning film processes were not involved. If you're thinking "But what about the movie with Donny Osmond?". that movie was released in 1999 when technicolor was near obsolete, plus the show had already had that name for 26 years by that point.
Review! Let's get started!
In the first song (except the Prologue (just for fun, look closer at the kid at 1:37 and ask yourself, why is he half the age of the other kids), which is vastly underrated in my opinion, and Any Dream Will Do, which IMO is vastly overrated, and in case no one's noticed, does not impact the plot AT ALL), Jacob and Sons, it is mentioned that
Jacob, Jacob and sons, men of the soil, of the sheaf and crook
At this point, 3 sheep appear behind the rest of the cast. First of all, why? We believe you, no need to prove it! Secondly, what do I mean by 'appear'? What I mean is that the sheep are inflatable and inflate on cue. Everyone in the audience laughs at this because it's such a non-sequitur. Do we need comic relief this early? In fact, do we need comic relief at all? The vast majority of the show is cheerful, upbeat and brightly coloured. Only 2 songs are miserable and the second is played for laughs! More about that later.
I'm going to rewind a bit because the majority of my review focuses on the show in general, but certain areas, highlighted in my notes in italics, are specific to this particular production. This is one of those. During the prologue, the Narrator and 2 kids come onto the stage wearing dressing gowns, and she introduces the story. After this, they all shed their dressing gowns, she continues to narrate, and the kids take and dispose of their dressing gowns, then join the rest of the choir.
My issue is with the choir. It is a very simple set, with just two sets of stairs and a walkway at the back comprising the entire set (there's also another set of stairs which comes out to fill the stage, but that's only during the second half). Here's a picture of the stage as normal (click the 3rd picture). The second set of stairs can be seen in blue at the back of the stage.
The choir are made to sit on the stairs through the whole performance. If you were wondering, that's ~50min (1st half) and ~45min (2nd half). Admittedly, they're kids, so their legs are shorter, but nevertheless sitting still for that long in that awkward position can be painful and even dangerous, just saying.
LIGHTNING ROUND!
The review will now have a brief intermission while I tell you some of the things wrong with the story, using biblical references. In my About Me post, I clearly stated that I'm a Christian, so you should have seen this coming.
Song: Jacob and Sons
1.
Way way back many centuries ago
Not long after the Bible began
OK, this one's a bit tenuous and I don't have a reference except for about half of Genesis. Depending on who you ask, this could take place any time from 3000-2000 BC ish. The Bible wasn't written until several centuries later, probably by Moses. It would be more accurate to say
Way way back many millennia ago
Do what you will with that.
2.
NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY. SKIP TO 3 IF YOU ARE UNDER 16
Jacob lived in the land of Canaan
A fine example of a family man
Really? Fine example? Yes, he had 12 sons, but that's only downwards. He had a total of 4 wives, Bilhah, Zilpah, Leah and Rachel. It's also interesting to note that he didn't start having children until he was 84.
Leah was his first wife, mother of Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar and Zebulon (there was also a daughter named Dinah, but she doesn't show up much and doesn't appear in the musical at all. To read her story, go to Gen 34).
Bilhah was Jacob's concubine, not wife. Rachel was assumed to be barren, so she gave her handmaiden Bilhah to Jacob to be the mother of Dan and Naphtali.
Zilpah was Leah's handmaid and also Jacob's concubine. She bore him Gad and Asher.
Rachel was Jacob's final wife to bear him children (God granted her the ability to bear children much later, Gen 30:22), and she bore him Joseph and Benjamin.
13 kids by 4 'wives', and Jacob is a
Fine example of a family man?
OK, so that's how it works. At this point, I'll also mention how Rachel and Leah were Jacob's FIRST cousins!
You can read the full story of Jacob and his many spice (yes, that's the correct word) in Gen 29-30. Yes, some of the Old Testament reads like Game of Thrones.
A remarkable family in anyone's book?
Now THAT I'll give you.
3.
Reuben was the eldest of the children of Israel
With Simeon and Levi the next in line
Napthali and Isaachar with Asher and Dan
Zebulon and Gad took the total to nine
With Simeon and Levi the next in line
Napthali and Isaachar with Asher and Dan
Zebulon and Gad took the total to nine
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Benjamin and Judah, which leaves only one
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Joseph, Jacob's favourite son
Benjamin and Judah, which leaves only one
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Joseph, Jacob's favourite son
So. Technically this is (mostly) correct. Reuben WAS the eldest, then Simeon, then Levi. But beyond that, it just turns into a mess. I'm going to show you the same lyrics, but with the names replaced by their birth order:
One was the eldest of the children of Israel
With Two and Three the next in line
Six and Nine with Eight and Five
Ten and Seven took the total to nine
With Two and Three the next in line
Six and Nine with Eight and Five
Ten and Seven took the total to nine
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Twelve and Four, which leaves only one
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Eleven, Jacob's favourite son
Twelve and Four, which leaves only one
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Eleven, Jacob's favourite son
To put it more clearly, the order they are announced in is:
1, 2, 3, 6, 9, 8, 5, 10, 7, 12, 4, 11
If you're interested, if it was done correctly, it would look like this:
Reuben was the eldest of the children of Israel
With Simeon and Levi the next in line
Judah and Dan with Naphtali and Gad
Asher and Issachar took the total to nine
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Zebulon, which leaves only one
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Joseph, Jacob's favourite son
Zebulon, which leaves only one
Jacob! Jacob and Sons
Joseph, Jacob's favourite son
The eagle-eyed among you might have noticed that there are only eleven names in my version. This is deliberate, and just for fun, I'm going to let you have a closer look to work out who's missing. There's also a clue hidden in the above text.
Did you get it? It was Benjamin (the hidden clue was that he was the twelfth brother so wouldn't have been included in the song until after Joseph, so he wouldn't have been included at all). There is also some debate as to whether or not Benjamin was even born at this point.
Song: Joseph's Coat (Debatably the same song, but I'm writing the review so I'll say what I like)
1.
So Jacob bought his son a coat,
A multi-coloured coat to wear
A multi-coloured coat to wear
Joseph's coat was elegant, the cut was fine
The tasteful style was the ultimate in good design
And this is why it caught the eye
A king would stop and stare!
The tasteful style was the ultimate in good design
And this is why it caught the eye
A king would stop and stare!
And when Joseph tried it on
He knew his sheepskin days were gone
He knew his sheepskin days were gone
Such a dazzling coat of many colours
How he loved his coat of many colours
How he loved his coat of many colours
This entire song is based on only 2 Bible verses (Gen 37:3-4).
So here's the thing. Joseph, like the rest of his family. was a farmer. Farmers have no use for 'coats of many colors'. The actual coat would likely be attractive, but also practical, meaning that 'his sheepskin days' were almost certainly not gone, and may have only just been beginning. To put it another way:
It would not have been red
It would not have been yellow
It would not have been green
It would probably have been a shade of brown
It would not have been scarlet
It would not have been black
It might have been slightly ochre
It would not have been peach
It would not have been ruby
It would not have been olive
It would not have been violet
It might have been slightly fawn
It would not have been lilac
It would not have been gold
It might have been slightly chocolate (is that a colour? Judges rule... No.)
It would not have been mauve
It would not have been cream
It would not have been crimson
It would not have been silver
It would not have been rose
It might have been slightly azure
It would not have been lemon (is that a colour? Judges rule... Yes. But only just.)
It might have been slightly russet
It might have been slightly grey
It would not have been purple
It would not have been white
It would not have been pink
It would not have been orange
It would not have been blue
I know it's only written down so I can't prove anything, but take my word for it that that was done from memory.
I have problems with some of those colours as well, namely:
Rose
Rose is a ridiculous name for a colour. If I say the word rose, you'll probably think of this. But not all roses are red.
Some roses are red
That much is true
But violets are PURPLE
Not flipping blue!
Red/Scarlet/Ruby/Crimson/(Rose)
All of these colours describe the colour red. Why do we need 4 1/2 kinds of red? There's also pink, which was recently pointed out to me is only light red. if that seems obvious to you, ask yourself: If red and pink are different colours, why aren't light blue and dark blue?
Violet/Lilac/Mauve/Purple
See above, but this time 4 different shades of purple.
Brown/Ochre/Chocolate/Russet
This time there's another 4 of the same colour, and more importantly, they're types of BROWN. Here's a picture of a colour wheel. You may notice how there is no brown on it. On the other hand, you might notice the part near the top right which looks kind of brown. You are almost correct, it does look a bit like light brown, but it is, in fact, a form of dark orange. Therefore, it sort of covers 'brown' and 'ochre', but not a chance with 'chocolate' or 'russet'.
Why am I bringing this up? Just because it's not on the colour wheel, doesn't mean it's not a colour, surely? Once again, you are only mostly right. It still counts as a colour, but one of the things that most productions of JATATD attempt is flashing lights in the relevant colour.
This is fine most of the time (see below for full explanation), but when trying to imitate any of the browns, it's not possible to get it right. When I saw another production, they went the way I just mentioned and just showed a dark orange at the appropriate times. This is all well and good, but can mean it gets confused with peach/olive/fawn/azure/orange.
The other problematic colours are black, which by definition cannot be imitated using light, and grey, which is 'dark white' or 'light black'. Grey is easier to manage though, and if I was doing it I would simulate black by turning the lights off. This production took a bizarre leap of logic though and instead of shades of orange, decided to use BLUE (when simulating the 4 different browns AND black). If you understand the logic behind this, please let me know.
WARNING: LENGTHY TANGENT AHEAD ON HOW COLOUR CHANGING LEDS WORK. IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN THIS, SKIP TO WHERE IT SAYS BACK TO THE REVIEW
As promised, I will now explain how colour changing lights work. To explain, you will need to first watch this video. To clarify, yes, colour changing lights only work on productions of JATATD and pineapples.
We'll start with the pineapple because it's simpler. When I was younger, I had a colour changing egg (as I clarified earlier, these no longer exist as it's now only JATATD productions and pineapples that contain colour changing lights). It worked for a while, but then the silicon part came off and I could see the workings.
Inside were 3 LEDs, one red, one green and one blue. Each of the brightened and dimmed in turn (red would start to brighten, then at full brightness blue would start to brighten, when red is off and blue is at full brightness, green starts to brighten. then when blue is off and green is at full brightness, red starts to brighten again. Repeat ad nauseum).
Modern pineapples don't use 3 LEDs, but they still work in a very similar way. Pineapples use a single LED with 3 anodes (the positive side), each corresponding to the RGB lights, meaning a single LED can show all 3 colours.
The pineapple will work using one of these, cycling like the egg. The stage lights use a similar function, except they will use several hundred LEDs per light
BACK TO THE REVIEW
Still on the lightning round, believe it or not.
2.
And his father couldn't see the danger
He could not imagine any danger
This one is just wrong. Although the Bible leaves some things a bit open-ended (he made an ornate robe for him, Gen 37:2), it is quite clear about this particular issue. Jacob, like the brothers, COULD see the danger and was in fact offended by his son's comments:
When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, "What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?" (Gen 37:10)
Both the above Bible quotes were taken from the NIV translation.
3.
The dreams are more than crystal clear,
The writing's on the wall
This is slightly more obscure, but 'the writing on the wall' is an expression taken from another part of the Bible, Daniel 5:5:
Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lampstand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote.
(For context: 'the king' refers to King Belshazzar, last king of the Neo-Babylonian Empire)
Daniel is assumed to be written in about 600 BC, whereas the story of Joseph supposedly takes place in about 1770 BC (tenuous references for both, but they seem relatively convincing, so see Daniel, Joseph), so your times don't really match up.
I'll let this one go though, as that's just a common idiom.
I'll move on from the lightning round for now, but don't think that I'm done finding errors and anachronisms, because I'm really not.
Something which I probably should have mentioned earlier is the fact that due to the wheelchair, I have a specific place to sit with my carer. They're good seats (seat; they only provide the one because I brought my own), but they do have one major disadvantage, namely that there is a safety rail a little way ahead of us which means that if you are anything between 5' and 6', you have a solid metal bar bisecting the stage.
This usually isn't too much of a problem, as at most productions I've seen there, almost none of the actors have been more than 18' tall.
In this particular production, all the actors were relatively short, and at my estimate, even the tallest would probably only have been 6'5".
The reason I'm bringing this up now is because of the Narrator. No, she wasn't 18 foot tall either. Because of how far away we were, we could see most of what was going on, but it was sometimes difficult to recognise faces. Therefore, for the entire first half, the two of us thought she was played by Janice from Friends (which, btw, turns 25 on 22 September. No idea if that's going to spawn a blog yet).
We discussed this during the interval and eventually came to the conclusion that it was just because of the distance and they probably looked nothing alike. We were wrong.
One FEWER place - There's a song at this point called One Less Place at Our Table (The song is actually called One More Angel in Heaven, but that's not the line we're focussing on). Grammar nazis will tell you it should be One FEWER Place.
a) That doesn't scan right.
b) Its wrong.
c) Even according to there crazy rules, it would have to be One Fewer Places (Note the use of the plural).
(Just for fun, I've hidden 6 grammar mistakes in this section (including one in this sentence!) See if you can find them all)
We're going to skip ahead quite a bit at this point.
Dream track record - In the son Go Go Go Joseph, Joseph says:
Tell me of your dreams, my friends
And I will tell you what they show
Though I cannot guarantee
To get it right, I'll have a go
...
Don't rely on all I said I saw
It's just that I have not been wrong before
Really? You haven't been wrong before?
History lesson time!
Just quickly looking through Genesis, only 4 messages had been communicated by God through dreams before Joseph, to Abimelek (Gen 20:3-6); Jacob (Gen 10-15, Gen 31:10-13) and Laban (Gen 31:24). All of these were direct messages so did not require any interpretation.
The first 'interpretable dreams' were those of Joseph (Gen 37:5-9), which he interpreted as meaning that his brothers and parents would bow down to him. That's the dream he predicted.
Here's what actually happened:
He was sold into slavery, got promoted, got falsely convicted and is currently in prison.
It's just that I have not been wrong before
Remind me, when was the bowing?
Dreams Part II - When I have dreams, they're far too weird to interpret, and most of the time it wouldn't even occur to me that they were from God, unless He's being very obscure. Have a look at some of them and see what you think.
Gospel (No bongos?!) - Also in GGGJ, near the end there is an instrumental and dance section, which in every version I've seen to date has included an elaborately choreographed dance sequence, usually accompanied by bongos (watch to the end).
For some reason, this production didn't include bongos. Instead we had a gospel choir (look, it was the most relevant funny video I could find). I'm all for gospel choirs, but what that song needs is bongos!
And Joseph didst not get the reference - This is my carer's favourite bible verse:
And Joseph was brought before Pharoah, and he did see that Pharoah was dressed as the King of Rock and Roll. And Joseph didst not get the reference (Gen 41:14, NKJV)
In case it wasn't clear, That was a joke. In reality, it is rather unlikely that Pharoah would have known who Elvis Presley was either.
Someone else in our party (we went as a small group from our church) pointed out that this is giving out the wrong idea, and people are going to start thinking that Elvis was a character in the Bible. Just to clarify, if you are not up to date with your Bible readings, this story is set significantly before Elvis, and he was not part of the story himself.
a) That doesn't scan right.
b) Its wrong.
c) Even according to there crazy rules, it would have to be One Fewer Places (Note the use of the plural).
(Just for fun, I've hidden 6 grammar mistakes in this section (including one in this sentence!) See if you can find them all)
We're going to skip ahead quite a bit at this point.
Dream track record - In the son Go Go Go Joseph, Joseph says:
Tell me of your dreams, my friends
And I will tell you what they show
Though I cannot guarantee
To get it right, I'll have a go
...
Don't rely on all I said I saw
It's just that I have not been wrong before
Really? You haven't been wrong before?
History lesson time!
Just quickly looking through Genesis, only 4 messages had been communicated by God through dreams before Joseph, to Abimelek (Gen 20:3-6); Jacob (Gen 10-15, Gen 31:10-13) and Laban (Gen 31:24). All of these were direct messages so did not require any interpretation.
The first 'interpretable dreams' were those of Joseph (Gen 37:5-9), which he interpreted as meaning that his brothers and parents would bow down to him. That's the dream he predicted.
Here's what actually happened:
He was sold into slavery, got promoted, got falsely convicted and is currently in prison.
It's just that I have not been wrong before
Remind me, when was the bowing?
Dreams Part II - When I have dreams, they're far too weird to interpret, and most of the time it wouldn't even occur to me that they were from God, unless He's being very obscure. Have a look at some of them and see what you think.
Gospel (No bongos?!) - Also in GGGJ, near the end there is an instrumental and dance section, which in every version I've seen to date has included an elaborately choreographed dance sequence, usually accompanied by bongos (watch to the end).
For some reason, this production didn't include bongos. Instead we had a gospel choir (look, it was the most relevant funny video I could find). I'm all for gospel choirs, but what that song needs is bongos!
And Joseph didst not get the reference - This is my carer's favourite bible verse:
And Joseph was brought before Pharoah, and he did see that Pharoah was dressed as the King of Rock and Roll. And Joseph didst not get the reference (Gen 41:14, NKJV)
In case it wasn't clear, That was a joke. In reality, it is rather unlikely that Pharoah would have known who Elvis Presley was either.
Someone else in our party (we went as a small group from our church) pointed out that this is giving out the wrong idea, and people are going to start thinking that Elvis was a character in the Bible. Just to clarify, if you are not up to date with your Bible readings, this story is set significantly before Elvis, and he was not part of the story himself.
The meeting - If I can get it to work, there will be a recently discovered exclusive audio file attached to this review of the meeting between Andrew Lloyd-Webber and Tim Rice when writing JATATD, and more specifically the song 'Those Canaan Days'. If not, there will be a separate blog post with a transcript, which will be up anyway for the hearing-impaired.
She's your mother! - So. At the end of the offensively stereotypical French song (see above), there was a very (tries to think of child-friendly term) suggestive dance between one of the women (there are only 6 female 'characters' in the entire show, and only two of them are named, so only 4 women play all the female background characters) and one of the brothers.
Now, quite apart from the fact that this show is meant to be child-friendly (I checked, and although stage musicals are not given suitability ratings, the movie appears to have been rated 'exempt from classification'), because of the dual casting, this particular actress also plays Mrs Potiphar (one of the named characters, the other is The Narrator).
This sort of makes sense, as Mrs Potiphar is also 'suggestive' (read Gen 39:7-18 for the definitely NOT child-friendly version of that part of the story). However, as there are only four of them, earlier in the show (Jacob and Sons, Joseph's Coat, One More Angel in Heaven), she was actually probably playing one of Jacob's concubines/wives, i.e. potentially the above brother's MOTHER. Not exactly ideal for suggestive dancing.
(Tries again to think of appropriate term) So it would appear that that kind of behaviour runs in the family (resists opportunity to make inappropriate joke).
In the 1999 movie, Jacob apparently had TEN wives!
She's your mother! - So. At the end of the offensively stereotypical French song (see above), there was a very (tries to think of child-friendly term) suggestive dance between one of the women (there are only 6 female 'characters' in the entire show, and only two of them are named, so only 4 women play all the female background characters) and one of the brothers.
Now, quite apart from the fact that this show is meant to be child-friendly (I checked, and although stage musicals are not given suitability ratings, the movie appears to have been rated 'exempt from classification'), because of the dual casting, this particular actress also plays Mrs Potiphar (one of the named characters, the other is The Narrator).
This sort of makes sense, as Mrs Potiphar is also 'suggestive' (read Gen 39:7-18 for the definitely NOT child-friendly version of that part of the story). However, as there are only four of them, earlier in the show (Jacob and Sons, Joseph's Coat, One More Angel in Heaven), she was actually probably playing one of Jacob's concubines/wives, i.e. potentially the above brother's MOTHER. Not exactly ideal for suggestive dancing.
(Tries again to think of appropriate term) So it would appear that that kind of behaviour runs in the family (resists opportunity to make inappropriate joke).
In the 1999 movie, Jacob apparently had TEN wives!
Dishonest coconut - So in the song 'Benjamin Calypso', which lampoons the Hawaiians for some reason, there is the line:
Benjamin is honest as coconuts
Clearly Judah (I checked which brother it was) has not had the same experience with coconuts that I have. I don't want to get into it too much because my lawyer has advised me not to until after the court case, but suffice to say the last time I did business with a coconut I ended up losing my car, among other things.
THE coat? - People probably don't realise it, but Joseph doesn't just wear A coat. He actually wears FIVE. Or at least, he wears 5 different types of coat. Doing multiple productions every week, he probably actually wears hundreds over the course of the tour. The coats are as follows:
The Full Coat - This is probably the main one you think of, but it is actually one of the least worn ones. This is the coat given to Joseph by Jacob in Joseph's Coat. Then they sing about it, Joseph goes offstage and we don't see it again.This is because he changes into...
The Split Coat - In Poor, Poor Joseph, Joseph's brothers steal his coat and tear it into several pieces. I am not sure how this illusion is produced, but I suspect it involves velcro. Then the brothers rub blood from a goat (another comic relief prop, still no idea why) on it, which is why the next coat is needed...
The Bloody Coat - The goat prop does not actually produce blood, because "health and safety" said it was unsanitary. Therefore, there is another coat which is already covered in goat blood, which is what the brothers show to Jacob in One More Angel in Heaven. Using the separate coat has the added advantage of being in several pieces but not showing the velcro or whatever else forms the tearing illusion. We then don't see the coat again until nearly the end of the show
PSA: The above paragraph references the use of goat's blood as a prop. This is a JOKE. I would love to live in a world where I don't have to explain that, but just in case, I have to clarify that the use of actual blood, goat's or otherwise, IS unsanitary. Stage blood, depending on how it is used, is usually either a type of dyed syrup or red paint.
The Gigundous Coat: in case you were wondering, the word gigundous is a real(ish) word, and I learnt it from the greatest sitcom of all time (sign the petition!)
There is more, but it's already taken a ridonkeyulously long time to write this, so we're publishing today anyway.
Questions!
Answers from last time:
1. Sheep are the opposite of heaven because the plural of sheep is sheep, whereas the singular of heaven is also heavens. (I don't care if you think that's tenuous, it's my question and I'll talk nonsense if I want to)
2. Young Sheldon (Annie Potts (Bo Peep) and Wallace Shawn (Rex) play Meemaw/Connie Tucker and Dr. John Sturgis respectively)
This review's questions:
1. What was the biggest tribe of Israel? (The son with the largest number of offspring. Clue: They eventually grew so large there's another country named after them)
2. In the review I mentioned 2 types of red; scarlet and crimson. What shade of green also has 7 letters?
Benjamin is honest as coconuts
Clearly Judah (I checked which brother it was) has not had the same experience with coconuts that I have. I don't want to get into it too much because my lawyer has advised me not to until after the court case, but suffice to say the last time I did business with a coconut I ended up losing my car, among other things.
THE coat? - People probably don't realise it, but Joseph doesn't just wear A coat. He actually wears FIVE. Or at least, he wears 5 different types of coat. Doing multiple productions every week, he probably actually wears hundreds over the course of the tour. The coats are as follows:
The Full Coat - This is probably the main one you think of, but it is actually one of the least worn ones. This is the coat given to Joseph by Jacob in Joseph's Coat. Then they sing about it, Joseph goes offstage and we don't see it again.This is because he changes into...
The Split Coat - In Poor, Poor Joseph, Joseph's brothers steal his coat and tear it into several pieces. I am not sure how this illusion is produced, but I suspect it involves velcro. Then the brothers rub blood from a goat (another comic relief prop, still no idea why) on it, which is why the next coat is needed...
The Bloody Coat - The goat prop does not actually produce blood, because "health and safety" said it was unsanitary. Therefore, there is another coat which is already covered in goat blood, which is what the brothers show to Jacob in One More Angel in Heaven. Using the separate coat has the added advantage of being in several pieces but not showing the velcro or whatever else forms the tearing illusion. We then don't see the coat again until nearly the end of the show
PSA: The above paragraph references the use of goat's blood as a prop. This is a JOKE. I would love to live in a world where I don't have to explain that, but just in case, I have to clarify that the use of actual blood, goat's or otherwise, IS unsanitary. Stage blood, depending on how it is used, is usually either a type of dyed syrup or red paint.
The Gigundous Coat: in case you were wondering, the word gigundous is a real(ish) word, and I learnt it from the greatest sitcom of all time (sign the petition!)
There is more, but it's already taken a ridonkeyulously long time to write this, so we're publishing today anyway.
Questions!
Answers from last time:
1. Sheep are the opposite of heaven because the plural of sheep is sheep, whereas the singular of heaven is also heavens. (I don't care if you think that's tenuous, it's my question and I'll talk nonsense if I want to)
2. Young Sheldon (Annie Potts (Bo Peep) and Wallace Shawn (Rex) play Meemaw/Connie Tucker and Dr. John Sturgis respectively)
This review's questions:
1. What was the biggest tribe of Israel? (The son with the largest number of offspring. Clue: They eventually grew so large there's another country named after them)
2. In the review I mentioned 2 types of red; scarlet and crimson. What shade of green also has 7 letters?
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