Only four? - A Christmas Getaway Review

This review contains several quotes from comedies. Almost none of them are from this play. Can you identify them all?

 

I tweeted a few days ago that I’d seen A Christmas Getaway by New Old Friends at the Lichfield Garrick and that a review would be forthcoming, but probably not until they’d up and left town, meaning a full review would be worthless. However, the play is now several years old and I suspect it will be performed again, if not at the Garrick then somewhere else.

 

I’ll first establish some details about the set, to help with descriptions of what’s happening. Below is an aerial view of the set:

There are three problems with this set; see if you can spot them all before I explain them below.

 Warning: the picture above says 'dresser' and is described later as 'trunk'. This is because I only remembered the word after making the picture.

If you’re just interested in the play and not the set issues, skip to where it says “Skip to Here”

Probably the most obvious problem with the set is that I’m on it. Possibly a bigger problem is that I haven’t learned my lines, but I’ll come to that in a minute. First though, an architecture lesson!

The Lichfield Garrick houses two theatres, the main auditorium and the studio theatre. When I last saw New Old Friends’ Crimes on Centre Court (trailer), they were in the main auditorium, so I assumed they would be this time again. However, I didn’t account for two things:

• It’s a much smaller set so less space is needed.
• With it being Christmas, the main auditorium is being used for their pantomime (Beauty and the Beast)

In order to explain the next bit, I need to do some housekeeping: For those of you who are new to this blog, I am a wheelchair user, hence why I am rectangular in the above diagram. I never hide my disability, but if it’s not relevant I won’t bring it up. However, in this case…

In the main auditorium (I am already tired of typing that), seating is raked but there are multiple entrances, so accessible seating is at the back of the stalls in row O (do you call it stalls if it’s raked?)

However, in the studio, there is one entrance at the bottom so accessible seating is on the front row. This should be fine, except that Row A is on the stage. When I saw Quartet there a while back, that wasn’t a problem, but as you may have noticed, Christmas Getaway has an enormous table as part of the set (problem 2).

If I was the last audience member to arrive that wouldn’t be an issue, but I was actually one of the first, meaning that nearly everyone else had to walk past me. After a long conversation between the front-of-house staff and the stage technicians about whether the table could be moved, they moved it backwards slightly to allow other audience members to go past.

 

SIDE NOTE: Thank you to all the staff who worked to make this happen. You dealt with this efficiently and professionally. Unfortunately, I don’t know which staff were from the Garrick and who was from New Old Friends, but I am grateful to all of you.

 

You may have noticed in the diagram how this caused a third problem (“One for me, one for Mary, and one for my… hat”). As you can see, the table is now blocking the entrance to the kitchen, so that had to be moved back at the start of the play (interestingly, not a problem in the second half, but I’m getting ahead of myself)

 

Skip to Here

Good, you’re back, and you only missed one comedy reference.

 

So about this play. It’s a traditional farce about a number of people going to a country house, but none of them are allowed to see each other; to explain why I need to give you a list of the characters:

 

The Staff

1.     1. Derek Fambridge, the butler – He oversees the chaos and is the only person who knows everything. He is in love with:

2.     2. Ms Stokes, the housekeeper – She is helping Fambridge to hide the other characters from seeing each other. She is senior to:

3.     3. Misty, the maid – She doesn’t understand what’s going on so Fambridge tells her as little as possible. She is in love with:

4.     4. Len, the ex-footman – He understands less than Misty but knows a lot more (mostly by accident). As the house is about to be sold and all the employees let go, he is helping Fambridge to stage a burglary and steal all the valuables. He used to work for:

The Family

5.     5. Carl Jameson – He is the lord of the manor. He is secretly selling the house behind the back of:

6.     6. Kath Jameson – She is married to Carl. She is the mother of:

7.     7. Kim Jameson – She stands to inherit the house (being unaware of Carl’s plans). She is engaged to:

The Others

8.     8. Sam Drudge – He is having a secret affair with Kath Jameson. He has absolutely no connection to:

9.     9. Jill From Next Door – She is having an affair with Carl. She has as much connection to the family as:

10 10. Claude DuBois – He is having an affair with Kim. He spends a lot of time sneaking around the back passage (“Nudge nudge, wink wink”)

Confused? Good. But it’s about to get more confusing. Like, a lot more confusing. When I said it was a traditional farce, I left out an important detail, namely:

Although there are 10 characters, there are only four actors. Also, I haven’t even named all the characters.

Want to know the division of labour? See below:

Rosie Coles as Len Klepson/Misty Norton/Kim Jameson

Kirsty Cox as Ms Stokes/Kath Jameson/Jill Thorpe/Carol Singers

Philip Jennings as Derek Fambridge

Stuart Tavendale as Claude DuBois/Sam Drudge/Carl Jameson

 As the only returning member of the original cast, Kirsty Cox is the only actor who appears in promotional material (that I’ve found).

 

Back to the plot! Fambridge also serves as the narrator and spends most of the show onstage. He starts by briefly explaining who everyone is, and then the action begins with him, Ms Stokes, and Misty, who are resigned to the family selling the home and having to look for new jobs.

 

Therefore, they are enjoying a final dinner at the house on their own while everyone else is away for Christmas. Misty goes off to set the table and Fambridge is left alone with Ms Stokes. Ms Stokes says that she will only reveal her first name and marry Fambridge when he is a ‘man of independent means’, then goes to fetch them some drinks.

These drinks now become a recurring joke in the show: every time Stokes brings two drinks in, someone else takes them. This is standard material for a farce ("There are four plates of sardines in the first half alone!")

Enter Carl Jameson, who hides his real intention for being there by subtly making Fambridge come up with the excuse of being there on business trying to sell the house. Fambridge is not to be had so easily, especially as Carl has brought a box of chocolates with a label ‘For my secret lover Jill From Next Door, not for my wife Kath.’ (Exact dialogue may vary).

Carl puts the chocolates on the table, causing me to be very tempted to hide them as I knew they would come up later “For reasons which will soon become clear, you have somewhat messed with the play”. 

↑It cost me £7.34 to check the wording of this reference and in the end it wasn't even written down! 🤦

I expected the chocolates to come up again, probably with Kath discovering them, but in fact, they stayed there through the entire first act, only being picked up at the end by Fambridge. From this, I would deduce that they were important in an early draft of the script but were later dropped due to making the plot too complicated. I imagine that a script for something like this goes through a lot of iterations. 

Annoyingly, I can’t remember much of the play’s content (and certainly not in the correct order) apart from a few highlights, so I’ll quickly go through some of them:

My time to shine - All four actors have difficult sections to look impressive in:

• As Rosie Coles plays both Misty and Len, there is one moment where the two have a discussion about what's going on, with Coles wearing two half-outfits and quickly switching between the two characters.
• As I mentioned, I missed out some of the characters, all of whom are called Carol Singers, being sisters-in-law. One other thing, they're all played by Kirsty Cox:

 © Pamela Raith

The hats are held in place by Coles and Tavendale from offstage and Cox keeps switching between the Carol(e)s, all of whom have different characters and voices.

• At the start, Fambridge has a short monologue explaining all the characters and their relationships, ending in one short burst of very fast speaking/rapping.
• Carl Jameson has several extensive tongue-twister speeches, each of which he rattles off with ease.

The second act opening - At the interval, we exited as soon as the lights went up to avoid being an obstacle again. However, as I mentioned earlier, the table wasn't a problem at the top of the second act, because when we reentered the auditorium, the table was missing. 

As soon as the play restarted, the reason for this became apparent: Fambridge and Stokes brought on the table, now decked out with some cocktail-making apparatus. The two of them then perform an elaborate cocktail-making dance routine set to music; they are just about to finally have their drinks when Carl comes in, taking both drinks gratefully.

To explain another specific event that happens during the dance routine, I first need to back up a bit:

Firstly, as I mentioned before, I was right next to the table and therefore noticed a cloth surround underneath it, so I knew that at some point someone would end up hiding under it. That’s the first part of the setup.

Secondly, throughout the first half, Kath Jameson keeps entering with requests for ‘things she’d like to try,’ including a pineapple. 

So partway through the cocktail routine, various items are passed up, including glasses, bottles, ice, and the aforementioned pineapple (Suddenly – pineapples). Fambridge and Stokes quickly push the pineapple out of the way.

Stokes screams, then walks off to get another pair of drinks.

Want to see the cast practising the cocktail routine? Check out this X post (No – I’m going to continue to call them Tweets).

In case you were wondering, the person hiding under the table (and providing pineapples) was Rosie Coles (in her Misty costume).

However, this was not the end of the use of the table surround, because later on, Kim Jameson (also Coles) hid under it while Sam and Kath were in the room. This only made sense to me later, because while she was supposedly hiding from them, Fambridge was gesturing to them that she was under the table.

I only realised afterwards that this was because Sam was Kim’s fiancée, so she wasn’t supposed to know about his affair with her mother. Fambridge initially told Kim to hide because none of the couples knew anyone else was there.

This was why Fambridge connived himself into getting all the staff separate Christmas bonuses from each couple (this may have just been bonuses for him; I’m writing this three weeks after the fact so details may be incorrect).

The ladder – As I briefly mentioned earlier, Fambridge employed Len to help stage a break-in (Len was to climb in through the attic and smash stuff, but Fambridge would actually steal the valuables afterwards).

The set had an upper level, so this could have been done by climbing an actual ladder, but they didn’t actually use the upper level at all.

Instead, what they did was even funnier, with putting balustrades in front of the bedroom door/trunk to simulate a second floor, then having Len lie horizontally on a ladder (as I thought) and pretending to climb the outside of the building. 

However, As Len turned round to face the audience, it became obvious that they (pronouns are going to be complicated in this bit) were carrying the entire ladder using some kind of harness and the legs lying on the ladder were fake.

Instead of climbing up to the attic as planned, Len decides to break into an upstairs room, accidentally disturbing Carl Jameson. Naturally, Carl is confused, so Fambridge expertly lies about the reason for Len’s presence (it’s now three weeks since I saw it; sorry but I can’t remember his excuse).

I have no idea.

The weather – As it is Christmas Eve, of course, it is snowing violently, so everyone who enters is accompanied by a lot of snow and a strong wind causing a struggle to close the doors.

Fun tangent! Do you know why all Charles Dickens novels set at Christmas include snow? In the real world, bookies will take bets on whether or not it will be a White Christmas, and they almost always win, but in Dickens, it’s always the case.

This is because Dickens grew up in London, and for six of the first nine years of his life, it snowed on Christmas day. This is debatably what caused the nation’s obsession with snow at Christmas in the first place!

Back in Christmas Getaway, this is simulated by a lot of fake snow and a large fan offstage. The actors miming the effort required to close the door also sells the illusion and adds to the comedy.

Hiding - I already mentioned Kim hiding from Sam and Kath under the table (while Fambridge tries to indicate to them that she is hiding so they don’t implicate themselves) but there are other attempts at hiding:

Sam and Kath are talking to Fambridge (sadly I can’t remember why), when Kim comes in and to avoid any awkwardness Fambridge shoves Sam out into the snow. Sam tries to come back in several times, but Fambridge doesn’t let him in until Kim has gone (“The cold has now spread to my special place”)

Immediately after Misty and Len’s lengthy discussion (to remind you, both parts are played by Rosie Coles), someone comes in (sorry but I can’t remember who) and Len has to hide. As Misty doesn’t, the staging has to get creative at this point. 

During the discussion, Coles wears Len’s outfit with half of Misty’s dress on one side, turning back and forth with Len’s hat on a stick being held up while talking as Misty (I really wish there were pictures of this as it’s very hard to describe). Therefore, when Len is hiding, Misty just puts the hat in the trunk.

The next example (although I think it actually happened before) also involves hiding in the trunk but is notable for a different reason. On this occasion, it is Claude who is hiding, but while he is still in the trunk, Carl (or Sam; it’s difficult to keep track) enters through one of the other entrances.

The more discerning of you will have picked up on the problem with this, being how is Tavendale both inside and outside the trunk at the same time? Of course, the answer is that the trunk is attached to the set and has a hole in the back, but it still looks pretty impressive the first time you see it.

Interactions – Throughout the whole show there are almost no interactions between characters played by the same actor for obvious reasons, but on some occasions, a character onstage will interact with a recording of themselves offstage (pronouns are about to get tricky again).

This happened twice in Crimes on Centre Court, but on that occasion, Ben Thornton was playing an onstage character while someone else held up a hat behind a hedge symbolising a child. 

Thornton would then cover his mouth while imitating the voice, but when it came to properly interact with other characters, they avoided it completely (“Do you know what, we’ll just say I talked to him”).

Therefore, I was surprised that Christmas Getaway took the opposite approach. I think similar sixth/seventh wall (I’m not sure which, but definitely NOT fourth) jokes could have been made, but then we would have missed out on the climax:

Sam, Claude and Carl discover each other’s existence and all fight offstage, while Tavendale runs around the set rapidly changing costume (and on one occasion not having enough time so just holding up Claude’s shirt in front of Sam’s outfit – more seventh wall fun)

THE ABOVE PARAGRAPHS ARE OBSERVATION, NOT CRITICISM. I ACTUALLY ENJOYED BOTH APPROACHES FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

The Ending – As I mentioned, the play ends with all the couples discovering each other's existence and fighting, but this of course means that Fambridge doesn't get any of the bonuses. However, Stokes resolves all their problems, telling them who should go off with whom and where to go.

As a reward, Carl gifts the mansion to Stokes and Fambridge. Stokes now accepts that Fambridge is now "a man of independent means", and reveals her first name to be Raquel. Everyone laughed at this, which I thought meant that there was a reference I'd missed, but upon Googling 'Raquel Stokes' later, I think the joke was just that Raquel is just a ridiculous name (sorry, Ms Welch).

On the surface level, the mansion seems like an incredibly generous gift which would make Fambridge and Stokes rich, but in actuality old mansions haemorrhage money due to repairs, cleaning, etc., which is probably why Jameson was selling in the first place ("I don't like that word haemorrhaging" "I'll... see what I can do?").

I know this because I'm currently reading The Moon Sister, the fourth book in Lucinda Riley's Seven Sisters series, in which a man's best chance to keep his Scottish manor is to gift it to the Scottish National Trust.

In summary, Fambridge and Stokes (the more times I write that, the more it starts to sound like a solicitor's) are going to very quickly learn why Jameson was so keen on giving it to them. 

Sadly, that brings us to the end of the review. How many references did you recognise? Some of them were pretty deep cuts, so don’t feel bad if you missed some.

As predicted, this review came out long after the run at the Garrick finished, so all  I can do is say look out for if the show runs near you next (this?) Christmas and in the meantime, look at tickets for New Old Friends’ newest show, Houdini’s Greatest Escape (link goes to New Old Friends' website). I suspect a similar concept (four actors; dozens of characters) will be employed, but this one will also contain magic so I suspect some comedy similar to that in Magic Goes Wrong.