Amended Infinity Game Summary

I have already published a post with a transcript of my brother's summary/review of Avengers: Infinity War, which also spilt into Avengers: Endgame. Below is the same transcript, but I have amended some of the innaccuracies. The actual transcript is untouched, but I have added some comments in red, factual but also including my trademark sass:

WARNING: SPOILERS (OF VARYING ACCURACY) FOR AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR AND AVENGERS: ENDGAME BELOW

I'm going to briefly do the plot, and I say briefly because I can't honestly remember most of it because despite it being a 3 hour film, it's inherently complicated, it doesn't make much sense, and gets quite silly. 

With that said, he's going to condense two 3-hour movies into one 10-minute rant.

Right. So, the film starts out, we're on some strange planet, possibly the moon, possibly not. And there is the man with no nose, who looks a bit like Voldemort, but isn't and I don't know his name but he seems quite sinister. Um, and he's looking around some dead bodies or something like that. Maybe it's an outer space graveyard.

The planet is Asgard and the person he's calling Voldemort is Ebony Maw. 

Then Loki comes up, who is the man with lots of hair. And he wants to, like look around. There's some issue on whether or not he's a good guy or a bad guy, because he can't make up his mind. And you learn this later on in the film, but sometimes he thinks he's a good guy, sometimes he thinks he's a bad guy, but as far as I'm concerned if you can't make up your mind that makes you a bad guy because it means that you're disloyal to the good guys. So, yes, he needs to make up his mind and decide who he really is fighting for. 

Loki does flit between good guy and bad guy, but in this scene he's just a good guy. In Endgame, there's a scene with Loki which is set during The Avengers where Loki is a bad guy. That's probably where he got the idea from as he hasn't seen any other movies with Loki in.

And then, basically, there's a lot of confusion happening because- basically, you have to have seen the previous 18 films or whatever it is to understand what exactly is going on but the thing is, unless you're a diehard Marvel fan you haven't seen the last 18 films but they don't actually think about this before you go and see the film unfortunately. 

There isn't a warning, as in I believe that films should have oh, it says 12 film, contains violence, should also say contains Marvel content which unless you've seen all the previous 18 films you won't understand.

So how many Marvel films have you seen?

I think I've seen, well I've seen Black Panther; I've seen Ant Man; I've seen Ant Man and The Wasp; I've seen the outer spa- oh, Guardian's of the Galaxy, that's the one. And, well, the second Avengers film, Infinty War Part 2. Yes. And just reassemble for a war or something. I can't remember what it's called.

It's called Avengers: Endgame.

Yes, so over the course of the film they're trying to find all of these Infinity Stones to put on this special made power bracelet-hand-thing. It's like a special glove. It's like one for holding, like eagles,  but it's made out of gold, although not for golden eagles, for the Infinity Stones. And this is where it get's complicated, because they've hidden them, not in different parts of the universe, but conveniently the've hidden them in different films that you're going to have to rewatch to spot them in the background.

You know, so they're sort of like Easter Eggs, only they're not eggs, they're gems.

They're not gems, they're stones. And you just said that!

You've seen at least one of them!

It's kind of silly because they all do different things, only Thanos, the bad guy, who looks a bit like the fireman out of Fantastic Four-

Nope. The 'fireman', better known as the Human Torch, does look a lot like Captain America though.

And he- yes, I'll come onto his crazy policies.

[Laughter from me because I know what's coming next]

He can only destroy half the universe so long as he's got all of these things. Even though just one of them would give him more power than is imaginable because, you know, one of them I think is Time Travel, one of them is, you know, movement. All he needs to do is, you know, just like have boulders drop on everybody once he's got the movement thing in his hand.

What are the other ones?

The other ones? Ok, so there's Time, Motion, Sound, Emotion and Light.

That's only five; there's six.

Oh, the sixth Infinity Stone is... Mind Control.

You're so close with some of those.

Space (blue), Mind (yellow), Reality (red), Power (purple), Time (green), Soul (orange)

As an update, I asked him again to name them at a later date. Again he got some right, but the one which stood out to me was the food stone.

With all [A loud unidentified noise starts here, so the transcript may be slightly innaccurate] six stones, he doesn't exactly like, change the universe, he just kills half the population because he's got this crazy 'One Child Policy' that if you cut the population in half, [loud noise stops] everything will be all right, when actually the problems that he's referring to about overpopulation issues are largely condensed to Earth, and yet he seems to you know, have some crazy idea that this is for the rest of the galaxy, but the whole premise of the plot is ridiculous and Marvel were clearly running out of ideas of how we can come up with villains, you know. And clearly they just were looking for a way to pick on people who misunderstood their geography degrees.

[My brother has a geography degree]

Because that's not how you do it. You have- You know, you bring in better economic policies, social policies. 

[Human Geography]

You know, you find ways to make people live in more harmony. That's not how you bring peace, by getting rid of half the people. All you do is you create emptiness, brokenness and a society that doesn't function because, you know, you lose important people. What if, you know, there's a significant amount of heart surgeons for example, that are part of this half that he's got rid of? It's a real issue.

Yes, over the course of the film they've got- Oh, I've just remembered there's Dr. Strange isn't there? He's the time-travelling one but for some reason he doesn't have the same powers as the Time Stone; it doesn't really make sense. He sort of waves his hand and makes portals in front of him and leaps through them and then they go back to New York and there's some crazy-

Who goes back to New York?

The Avengers. Which are named in a different blog. [I added the link, but that is verbatim what he said]

We've skipped ahead to the middle of Endgame. And he's somehow managed to completely omit time travel.

They go to New York in order to look for one of these stones and there's [unclear]

[Noises]

Sorry. That's my speaker. There's some big issue because somebody is trying to lock Hulk in some time lock thing, and it's really confu- Oh no, hang on, am I confusing that with the second film? Oh yeah, I'm confusing that with the second film because they're all so confusing, it doesn't make sense.

So, in the first film, the Avengers, they go to Glasgow I think and they have a fight in a train station. It's really not obvious why. 

No, that's the second one.

At the start, because if he can't understand the order, why should you?

Ok, right. Also it is confusing but it's really odd in the first one, like everybody doesn't understand why everyone's turning to paper and dust. Which looks- and they're obviously nicking stuff off Harry Potter here because it looks exactly like when Voldemort gets killed. And he turns into paper. So, you know, it's like Spiderman goes "Oh, Dr Iron Man- Oh what's he called, Dr Stark, I don't feel so good"

Mister Stark. Other than that though, he got the line right!

Then he disappears along with half the universe and the talking tree, and it all gets very complicated.

The 'talking tree' is Groot. My brother thinks he's overrated.

You've skipped ahead to the end.

The end? 

Of the first one. [unclear]

Oh, well, Thanos has defeated half the universe so everybody's very upset, very angry. And the man, oh the man with the arrows...

Liam Neeson?

Inside joke. If you know, you know.

Oh, Hawkeye! He's having a family picnic and discovers half his family's gone, and so that's how you know that it's happened across the universe. Then Thanos goes and lives on an island somewhere, and, I don't know, he cooks Chilli Con Carne in his little beach hut.

Thanos specifies that it is 'a garden'. 'lives on an island somewhere is a reference to Monty Python's Life of Brian.

And then it ends. Oh but there's a post-credits scene of some bloke who if you've never seen Marvel like me, to the extent of other people, then it's some random bloke in a hut, and there's some confusion over who he is, what he's doing here, and what exactly you're learning about this. Which is absolutely typical.

He's describing the final scene of Infinity War again. In the post-credits scene, Maria Hill 'dusts' and Nick Fury starts to disappear, but just before he does, he pages Captain Marvel.

[Long Pause]

And my review of the film is this: It's just too hard to follow, it doesn't make sense, it's confusing, it's long-winded, it's... Yeah. That is my review. 

[Long Pause]

Thank you.

You're welcome.